(Firstly let me apologise for what i'm about to say) I had actual, physical, sexual intercourse this weekend. After about four years in the (pardon the pun) fucking wilderness, i have put my man bit inside a girls bit. And yes, it was fun.
Has it changed the person i am? Not really, i'm happier, i suppose and the road rage was utterly non-existent this morning.
My groin hurts. But it hasn't changed my world, except that all the expectation and angst, anxiety and nervousness thats prevented me from doing it before has gone. What the fuck was i so worried about?
But then we're very comfortable with each other and we could talk openly about it. I've been incapable of having sex within the last 4 relationships i've had, purely because of nerves and anxiety. The weight of my social conditioning and testosterone squashing me into a nervous wreck, too frightened to be 'impolite' with a girl. The expectation of males is to get in there and get on with the job, but that used to just make me more nervous. I don't understand where my new found confidence in this area came from.
The whole problem with sex and my life, before, during and after is that i think too much about everything.
Music in my Mind:The Last Broadcast by Doves. Listened to it coming back from Tamworth with Emily, sounded great. Listened to it on the way to work, sounded great.
It's my own music thats in my mind at the moment though, we haven't practiced for a month nearly and i'm busting to sing and play. I've got real feelings running through me and i want to fucking scream them out through my music, not only that but hopefully i'll be starting to have some singing lessons soon...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment