Friday, October 10, 2003
Bloody italics.
I must apologise for this whole site being italicized. For some reason blogger has just made every one of my posts italic and if i go back, edit them and republish, they're still in italics. Hmmph.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Affected Youth
If you read this then hey! hello and thanks. I would recommend though that you read my friend James' page. It's a lot more interesting and funny than mine. But then he has the pleasure of being in Japan at the moment, and he has an incredible way (much like (you) Nick) of picking up on the mundanities of life and making them intriguing and surreal.
I've had Freeview available to me for the last four months or so. For the very first time BBC 4 broadcast something that i watched. Moreover it had me spellbound for nearly an hour. Home was an hour long special written by J.G. Ballard, and starring Anthony Sher. Now Mr. Sher has had something to do with running the RSC and i think he's linked to the musical of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. That he has the ability to act as he did in Home, dwarfs any other profession he may choose. It was an incredible expression of how reality is the root of madness, shown through a man refusing to ever again interact with the world or to step outside of his front door.
He viewed it as an experiment, a great adventure to be had following his wife leaving him and a serious car accident. He took stock of the food, a fortnights worth at best although as a food technologist, he tells the camera, he can probably make it last longer. It doesn't last much longer sadly for our protagonist. From here on in, his meals start to become much more bizarre. Firstly there's the grass and leaves soup. Next, blendered garden worms, then the shampoo and ouzo cocktail.
" Because one of the main ingredients of this is Vitamin E." He tells us. Then proceeds to down it, gagging unpleasantly convincingly. I can't remember if thats before or after he pulls out one of his back teeth with pliers and the last of the brandy, it just underlines the hallucinatory feel of his world. His next meal, is i think, books. He happily tears the pages out and munches telling us they have no carbohydrate value, but they fill the void. After this it descends into chaos as he starts to eat the neighbours pets, caught in a basic animal trap of his own design. His madness is rooted in a belief that his house is a living, powerful entity. He observes a massive expansion of the upstairs, he sees a bright light forcing the house outwards in crazy geometric patterns. This is what his experiment has become, he has become a channel for the house's power to flow through and he loves it, his idea of reality is so twisted now that he has no qualms beating the bayliff to death with a video recorder, when the bayliff (played by Keith Allen, shallow grave anyone??) attempts to see what is going on upstairs.
It's f**ked up and my description is sadly doing it little or no justice. I recommend though that you see it. I now have it on VCR if anyone would like to borrow it.
Of great interest to me is the last blog i published. It's typical me: bitch and moan, the funny thing though is that after i published it i made two succesfull calls and two appointments. I just got on with it. Spoke to these chaps about their video needs/uses and convinced them both to meet with Lynsey. Unbelievable. Describing my issues and problems with it seemed to solidify my feelings about cold calling. I have a warm and friendly voice, i am well spoken and confident and so long as i remember these things i will succeed. I do not ring these people to make them have appointments i ring them to discuss the ways in which we could help them. This is how i need to see what i am doing. Not the whole pressure/sales thing. It is from my confidence and success that more confidence and success will flow.
My review/description of Home is neither long enough nor short enough. I begin to write but feel i'm weighing the reader down with boring exposition, but i wanted to show you this programme, to try and give you some idea of the crazy, surreal experience watching it was. But perhaps i fail. Through not wanting to write too much, from not having a belief in my own choice of words, whatever, i just hope it makes you try and find it to see it.
Music in my Mind: Eno - Atmospheres feat Ending (An Ascent) - a beautiful 4 minute riff which you've all heard (NSPCC adverts, 28 Days Later, etc.) Happily going to sleep of an evening with ambient soundscapes drifting me to the land of nod. Driving to & from work: Sasha & Digweed - Communications - mainly for Phaser by 16b, Waah by Pob and Enjoyed by the Chemical Brothers (basically an instrumental version of Out Of Control)
I've had Freeview available to me for the last four months or so. For the very first time BBC 4 broadcast something that i watched. Moreover it had me spellbound for nearly an hour. Home was an hour long special written by J.G. Ballard, and starring Anthony Sher. Now Mr. Sher has had something to do with running the RSC and i think he's linked to the musical of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. That he has the ability to act as he did in Home, dwarfs any other profession he may choose. It was an incredible expression of how reality is the root of madness, shown through a man refusing to ever again interact with the world or to step outside of his front door.
He viewed it as an experiment, a great adventure to be had following his wife leaving him and a serious car accident. He took stock of the food, a fortnights worth at best although as a food technologist, he tells the camera, he can probably make it last longer. It doesn't last much longer sadly for our protagonist. From here on in, his meals start to become much more bizarre. Firstly there's the grass and leaves soup. Next, blendered garden worms, then the shampoo and ouzo cocktail.
" Because one of the main ingredients of this is Vitamin E." He tells us. Then proceeds to down it, gagging unpleasantly convincingly. I can't remember if thats before or after he pulls out one of his back teeth with pliers and the last of the brandy, it just underlines the hallucinatory feel of his world. His next meal, is i think, books. He happily tears the pages out and munches telling us they have no carbohydrate value, but they fill the void. After this it descends into chaos as he starts to eat the neighbours pets, caught in a basic animal trap of his own design. His madness is rooted in a belief that his house is a living, powerful entity. He observes a massive expansion of the upstairs, he sees a bright light forcing the house outwards in crazy geometric patterns. This is what his experiment has become, he has become a channel for the house's power to flow through and he loves it, his idea of reality is so twisted now that he has no qualms beating the bayliff to death with a video recorder, when the bayliff (played by Keith Allen, shallow grave anyone??) attempts to see what is going on upstairs.
It's f**ked up and my description is sadly doing it little or no justice. I recommend though that you see it. I now have it on VCR if anyone would like to borrow it.
Of great interest to me is the last blog i published. It's typical me: bitch and moan, the funny thing though is that after i published it i made two succesfull calls and two appointments. I just got on with it. Spoke to these chaps about their video needs/uses and convinced them both to meet with Lynsey. Unbelievable. Describing my issues and problems with it seemed to solidify my feelings about cold calling. I have a warm and friendly voice, i am well spoken and confident and so long as i remember these things i will succeed. I do not ring these people to make them have appointments i ring them to discuss the ways in which we could help them. This is how i need to see what i am doing. Not the whole pressure/sales thing. It is from my confidence and success that more confidence and success will flow.
My review/description of Home is neither long enough nor short enough. I begin to write but feel i'm weighing the reader down with boring exposition, but i wanted to show you this programme, to try and give you some idea of the crazy, surreal experience watching it was. But perhaps i fail. Through not wanting to write too much, from not having a belief in my own choice of words, whatever, i just hope it makes you try and find it to see it.
Music in my Mind: Eno - Atmospheres feat Ending (An Ascent) - a beautiful 4 minute riff which you've all heard (NSPCC adverts, 28 Days Later, etc.) Happily going to sleep of an evening with ambient soundscapes drifting me to the land of nod. Driving to & from work: Sasha & Digweed - Communications - mainly for Phaser by 16b, Waah by Pob and Enjoyed by the Chemical Brothers (basically an instrumental version of Out Of Control)
Monday, October 06, 2003
Another weekend spent Sleeping, Smoking and Washing...
It’s all gone tits up. On Friday I spent the day shirking my telephone reponsibilities, finding anything and everything to do rather than phone loads of people I don’t know, who don’t know me, have better things to do with their time and who don’t want an appointment with one of our sales managers. But it is the main thrust of my job. Whereas the main thrust in my previous job was cutting lettuce and whilst I didn’t enjoy it, I did it (except of course for the mornings where I stayed in bed!). You got on with it because you had your boss breathing down your neck to get it done. If you weren’t cutting enough he’d happily tell you to get a move on. I don’t have this with my new job. There is the constant pressure to get appointments, but without the actual threat.
Although that threat reared it’s quite unattractive head on Friday. My boss Duncan wanted a word with me at the end of the day, so I went to see him and we had a discussion about appointments and sales calls. He said he wanted me to think about it over the weekend then have 10 minutes with him today explaining the situation. He either expected me to hand in my notice or to tell him that I do want to be good in that aspect of my work and that the future is bright.
Of course I went to him with the latter. There is a part of me that would love to hand my notice in and have done with the world of telesales, but the experience this workplace can give me is invaluable. Add to this the fact that I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING I TURN MY MIND TO and you have success. It’s just a real big hurdle I have to get over and whilst there is a whole load of helping hands ready to help me over this hurdle, there is only one person who can decide whether I make it or not and that person is me. The obstacle to my happiness, wellbeing, success and fortune is me or rather my mind.
I am uncharacteristically nervous when I sit down with the telephone, which doesn’t get me off to a good start. I am then thoroughly aware that I MUST make some appointments from the (let’s say) 40 calls I have to make. Then when I am on the phone to the person I am thoroughly aware that they don’t have time for me or what I have to say, they aren’t interested (but that’s because I don’t make it sound interesting). I then worry about not knowing the right thing to say, which makes me say the wrong thing, I panic in the gaps between either of us saying something which is when my mind makes those pauses in the conversation even longer and more painful than they are. When they say they’re not interested I accept that and put the phone down. I do not know how to convince someone of something, although I am incredibly good at explaining the way something works to somebody. I worry that I am saying too much, but feel uncomfortable with my smaller script. I feel uncomfortable using sayings and phrases that I would not normally use, they do not come out of my mouth comfortably, either to my ears or somebody elses. I am too preoccupied thinking about what the other person might be thinking about me to think clearly about the subject and conversation.
It’s just not me.
Although that threat reared it’s quite unattractive head on Friday. My boss Duncan wanted a word with me at the end of the day, so I went to see him and we had a discussion about appointments and sales calls. He said he wanted me to think about it over the weekend then have 10 minutes with him today explaining the situation. He either expected me to hand in my notice or to tell him that I do want to be good in that aspect of my work and that the future is bright.
Of course I went to him with the latter. There is a part of me that would love to hand my notice in and have done with the world of telesales, but the experience this workplace can give me is invaluable. Add to this the fact that I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING I TURN MY MIND TO and you have success. It’s just a real big hurdle I have to get over and whilst there is a whole load of helping hands ready to help me over this hurdle, there is only one person who can decide whether I make it or not and that person is me. The obstacle to my happiness, wellbeing, success and fortune is me or rather my mind.
I am uncharacteristically nervous when I sit down with the telephone, which doesn’t get me off to a good start. I am then thoroughly aware that I MUST make some appointments from the (let’s say) 40 calls I have to make. Then when I am on the phone to the person I am thoroughly aware that they don’t have time for me or what I have to say, they aren’t interested (but that’s because I don’t make it sound interesting). I then worry about not knowing the right thing to say, which makes me say the wrong thing, I panic in the gaps between either of us saying something which is when my mind makes those pauses in the conversation even longer and more painful than they are. When they say they’re not interested I accept that and put the phone down. I do not know how to convince someone of something, although I am incredibly good at explaining the way something works to somebody. I worry that I am saying too much, but feel uncomfortable with my smaller script. I feel uncomfortable using sayings and phrases that I would not normally use, they do not come out of my mouth comfortably, either to my ears or somebody elses. I am too preoccupied thinking about what the other person might be thinking about me to think clearly about the subject and conversation.
It’s just not me.
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